Lawyer Fees

Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer? You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.

When my attorney told his clients that he had a sliding fee schedule, what he meant was that after he billed you, it was financially hard to get back on your feet.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly.

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, “Oh, look! A nut!” The second squirrel jumped on it and said, “It’s my nut!” The first squirrel said, “That’s not fair! I saw it first!” “Well, you may have seen it, but I have it,” argued

A group of dinner guests were blaming all of America’s troubles on lawyers when a woman said, “They aren’t all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1000.” “I don’t believe it,” the host responded. “It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. “I had a complicated personal injury case and what with

Three proud mothers were describing the virtues of their children. The first said, “My daughter, the surgeon, has invented a new artificial liver that has saved the lives of countless patients.” The second proudly proclaimed, “My son, the physicist, has developed a new energy source capable of heating thousands of homes with absolutely no pollution.”

Why is money green? Because lawyers pick it up before it is ripe.