Lawyer Humor

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. “Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client. “Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!” “Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?” “Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I

When asked, “What is a contingent fee?” a lawyer answered, “A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don’t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing.”

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge’s chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: “I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client’s defense.” The judge asked, “What new evidence could you have?” The lawyer replied, “My client has an extra

A man is innocent until proven broke.

Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer? You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.

When my attorney told his clients that he had a sliding fee schedule, what he meant was that after he billed you, it was financially hard to get back on your feet.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.